Saturday, April 29, 2017

Explosive breastmilk

HI HI HI.  While I still need to blog about Mikey's 8 month AND 9 month (seriously what happened to the last 2 months of my life....????), let's take a break and bring this blog back to what I used to blog about EIGHT years ago (wait - how the heck is that possible).  This was one of my first blog posts and I still laugh at it because it was one of the reason's I started my blog.

And now we can talk about the random story of my "explosive" breastmilk.

Since my company officially got acquired on March 1 of this year, I have been doing some traveling to Chicago about once a month.  While it's an easy and quick flight (which is great!), getting all my stuff packed up is not easy because I am still pumping.  So carrying my pump and all my breastmilk around is super fun.  Now I do have some *tips* that I've found on how to consolidate all of this stuff into just one bag and a carry on suitcase, this is not what I'm going to tell you about.  Nope - but would you like that?  Maybe I'll get around to that.

I'm hear to tell you about going through airport security with breastmilk.

To date in 2017, two of my three previous trips, I just went right through security with my breastmilk bags in my cooler bag with frozen ice packs.  They didn't even stop me.  So I was hopeful this last week that would be the case as well.  I knew I was pushing my luck and was bound to get stopped and have it tested, but no big deal right?  I've had that happened before.  

But this time, I got stopped, they took one bag out and said they needed to run the little paper thing over it to test it.  I told them, yep, go for it.  No big deal.  I'm standing there watching them run the test and stick the little strip thing into the machine.  Of course it would come up with nothing because #duh.

When I looked and it came up in BRIGHT RED "EXPLOSIVES" I about died.  Seriously.  The TSA agent that as a young guy turned to me and said, "Ma'am, the liquids you are trying to bring on the place tested positive for explosives.  So we are going to have to conduct further testing and we are going to have to do an invasive pat down of you". 

You guys.  The look on my face.  I wish I had it all recorded.

I looked back at him and said "You mean my breastmilk - that came from my boobs to feed my baby - that tested positive for explosives".  This was in attempt to not only purposefully make him uncomfortable but also just to relay to him my complete and utter annoyance because #seriously guy. 

He told me that yes, they are going to have to test all the bags. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

So I step to the next testing station and watch them open each bag and freaking put it in the machine.  Trying not to be annoying (or get arrested), I mention to him and his other male colleague to please please please close the bags firmly.  They just kept going until a lady TSA agent comes over and takes me over for my super fun pat down.  Now I wasn't sure what this entails but MAN.  I got some intense touching - let's just say I'm super glad that this doesn't have to happen every time.  Touching my boobs, my junk, in my collar and waist.  

Good news for you all to know - I passed and after 15 minutes of further investigation, it was determined that my breastmilk was actually NOT explosive.  #thankgoodness

And I'm also thankful that I got to the airport a little early this time!!!

So that's it - a somewhat pointless story, but one that in the ridiculousness that my life seems to be day to day lately, I felt like must be documented.  I am thankful for our TSA agents and the fact that they are doing these processes to ensure the safety of us all and that people don't in fact bring explosives on planes.  I do NOT want that.  But I can promise you that while breastmilk is a magical substance that is used to keep my babies alive (and I tend to have a lot of it.....), it is not explosive.