Can I be honest?

Here it goes.  One of those really vulnerable posts.  I feel like I have a lot of them in my head throughout the week, but just not the time or energy to write them down and share.  But this is one I want to remember.  And I'm guessing whoever still reads this blog (sorry I have sucked at posting lately!!!), might relate as well. 

As mentioned in my post yesterday, we moved the older kiddos preschool last Monday.  I'm not sure if it was the move and the fact that they did well at school and needed an outlet at home - because they have kind of gone crazy (it could have been the crazy moon too....) - like crazy as in they don't want to sleep at night.  I can do one wake up a night and hang with my normal schedule of work, working out, etc. (usually Mikey, but sometimes just one of them).  But three + a night?  UM...no.  Can't hang.  At all.  It's been like a circus at night between the three kids rooms - and 4 nights this week, I've fallen asleep in Maddie or Charlie's room and some hours later, Jimmy ends up in one of their rooms with Mikey in hand tapping me on the shoulder because Mikey wants to eat.  

Yes, yes.  I love being the mom of three.  Jimmy loves being the dad of three.  There really is nothing better.  But some weeks.  UGH.  It's hard.  

This morning, everyone was up super early.  I haven't been feeling too great and Jimmy and I ended up going to bed at 8:30 last night.  It was another whirlwind night with Maddie and Mikey and then when I was feeding Mikey at 5:20, hopeful to get him back to sleep so I could snooze some more...and Charlie walked in Mikey's room, ready to take on the day.  And while I love him and love that he came in and gave me and Mikey both a kiss....I wanted to scream GO BACK TO SLEEP.  Ha.

At 6:00, Maddie was up and I finally gave in and took them downstairs and finished addressing our Valentine's Day cards.  Jimmy decided that we should all go to breakfast.  Which is just crazy in itself, but I obliged.  And we went.  When we got there - it was terrible.  Like Maddie non-stop screaming.  Charlie whining.  Mikey was perfect - because that's him.  But the other two.  We just looked at each other - both with this beat down look.  Like THIS IS OUR LIFE.  In the midst of the screaming, a couple was even seated right next to us and then got up and asked for another table.  We were that family this morning.

Maddie wasn't having it and Jimmy took her outside so it was just me and the boys for about 15 min.  This older couple came and got a big table in the middle - 8 chairs at it.  They told the waitress they needed a sling and a high chair.  They were just talking and looking at the menu - sat there just by themselves for about 10 minutes before I noticed them.  They weren't phased by our craziness and looked over a few times at us and smiled, but mainly just chatted and looked around the restaurant looking for someone a few times.  Then I watched the lady get up and go to the door where a couple with their baby were walking in (I assume it was her son and daughter in law and their granddaughter).  She immediately grabbed her granddaughter and held her, smiling and laughing.  Slowly but surely, another (assumed) daughter came in with her older son and then another couple (guessing her daughter) with their looked like 2.5 year old son came in and sat down.  Just like that, the chairs were filled.  Their family was laughing, talking to one another, smiling.  Cousins were talking and all was well.

I have no idea who these people are.  But I was watching them and tears welled up in my eyes.  Because I can imagine that one day, many years ago, they were us.  With their three kids.  They were tired, worn down, trying to make it all work.  Trying to keep up a good marriage and love one another; trying to keep up with work and their household.  Making sure they were loving each of their kids equally and making them know day in and day out they were loved - but also instill that level of discipline they need to know right from wrong.  Their house wasn't always clean nor was their laundry always done.  But I imagine that they were happy, even in survival mode.  And that while it was crazy, there was a part of them that just loved all the crazy.  And they blinked - and here they are, with kids that are all grown up, married off and with kids of their own.  And that sat there waiting in anticipation for a crazy and chaotic Saturday morning breakfast.  Because while they do love their quiet Saturday mornings with just the two of them, what they wouldn't give some days to be back in our shoes.  Hopping in bed with any given kid when they want you to snuggle them.  Snuggling up on the couch for movie night - even though it's the same movie they've seen over and over again.  Folding a million little bitty clothes each week and making dinners for hungry mouths - even though it's usually never eaten.  Kissing their adorable little toddler bellies and laughing at their crazy antics.  And hearing them say "I love you" for no reason at all.

I looked at them, thinking about that being us in 20 or 25 years.  Setting up a Saturday morning breakfast date with our family.  You know, sending a text to Maddie, Charlie and Mikey (or their wives - I can't even think about that right now!), mid-week saying "hey - do you guys want to get together for a breakfast date?!  On us!".  And after a quiet week at home with just Jimmy and me, being so excited to have a little bit of crazy back in our lives.  With our three kids and their family's. 

While there are days that I think we are nuts.  That life is crazy.  And it's going to get even crazier as our three get older and if we choose/are blessed with another one....but these are the days.  Each day is a blessing.  And while I know we will be so thankful we are out of these days someday, I'm afraid to blink because I feel like if I do - I'll be that adorable couple at the breakfast place on Saturday morning, so anxious to see their kids and grandkids and life will have passed us by so quickly.

So here is my honest opinion about my life right now.  I'm soaking it in.  All of it.  With little sleep and a whole lotta crazy.  Because these are truly the days, whether we like it or not and each day is such a blessing to be alive with my beautiful children and amazing husband.

Ok - done.  Between this morning and all the feels and watching This is Us on DVR from Tuesday night....Saturday emotions have got me all like 😍😍😍

But you better believe we are taking our kids for a grandparents sleepover RIGHT when they wake up from their nap.  Because while I love them to pieces - when an offer like that comes up to just have the baby after this week - SIGN ME UP! Ha.

Four weeks into life with 3 kids

So here we are, Tuesday, August 16.  Four weeks ago today we met Mikey and became a family of five.  I'm not going to sugar coat it one bit- the last four weeks have been hard, exhausting, full of time outs, plenty of "no" or "stop that" and challenging.  But you know what else they've been?  Full of love, snuggles, laughter, dance parties, lots of kisses on Miley's head, and a whole new level of happiness.

As any parent knows, parenthood often times feels a bit like you're an emotional basket case.  As in, one second you are so angry or frustrated with your child(ren) and the next second they do something so cute (or they are sleeping- ha!) and you just stare at them holding back tears because you love them so much.  Well I really think welcoming a new baby into your family, no matter if it is your first or fifth, brings about those up and down emotions on a daily basis.  One second I'm sitting here thinking "this is pure chaos" and the next I'm staring at our kids and thinking "oh my gosh we are so lucky and I love these kids so much".

Mikey has been just the best. I mean, he's a typical newborn.  Eat, sleep, poop, cry.  Oh and he grunts a lot.  Maddie likes to tell everyone "Mikey is loud" because apparently she's heard that one too many times from our mouths. Haha.  But after moving him to his own room after week 1, I have to say, it's been so much better.  I feel like that move was so good mentally for me.  I like that he was safe in his crib (from other kids and dog), I could watch and hear him on the monitor at night (but not have to stare at him like I was doing) but yet he is a quick walk away when he needs me.  

I bought the dock-a-tot and he's been sleeping in that and I'm not going to say it's a miracle worker, but the kid usually has a 5 to 6 hour stretch at night At some point (usually when he first goes down).  So I'll take that any day (if could just make myself go to bed immediately when I put him down- oh and make my boobs not wake me up!)...then he has been sleeping around 2-3 hours.  Obviously more sleep would be nice but he's a newborn, it's my job to feed him and care for him and snuggle him and I'll take it because let's be honest- pretty soon he won't need me that often.  It goes by way too fast.

As for Charlie and Maddie!? They have been good and are obsessed with Mikey. Sometimes not so nice to their parents (ha!) or each other, but at least they love him!  Maddie threw us quite the loop by deciding she was going to climb out of her crib the other night- lets just say...all Jimmy and I could do was laugh, because typical life as a parent- just as we were getting ok at the whole bedtime routine with 3 (it's still insane) and then this.  She's attempted escape one more time (the next night), but I caught her on the camera and was able to stop her before she got out again.  We are trying to figure out what to do.  We have a bedroom set for her to use, but man oh man I was hoping she'd be like her brother and be content in her crib until around 3 (because lord knows the last thing I need right now is one more kid able to come poke me in the face at midnight!!).  We are waiting it out to see if she's still planning escape again until we make the final decision!

As for the challenges of three kids??  Someone always seems to be upset! Ha! Like if it's not one, it's one of the other two that is upset about something!!  However, the older kids are harder to manage than the baby for the most part! Jimmy has been an absolute ROCK STAR and savior and amazing dad.  He jokes that for now Charlie and Maddie are his and Mikey is mine (making comments as we head out to the car "I've got my kids" and then winks at me), but he's amazing and I know it's hard on him too because 2 and 4 year olds are no joke.  

I've gotten really good at holding Mikey and doing lots!  I can cook, change laundry, clean, discipline, etc.  I cannot- put on eyeliner, go to the bathroom, get dressed while holding him- so I have my limitations :)

Overall, I'm for sure not feeling as exhausted or sleep deprived as I was with either of the other two kids- I'm guessing it might just be because I'm used to little sleep? No idea, but I'll take it!  I try to get in a nap on the weekdays when the older kids are at school and sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.  I'm taking it easy on my to do list and enjoying my snuggles and baby loving while in can.  Because I keep reminding myself as I get my time hop pictures from 2 and 4 years ago of my little baby Maddie and Charlie just how FAST the time goes and Mikey is going to grow and change in no time!

(Newborn Maddie and 2 year old Charlie just 2 short years ago!!! LOOK at his curls!)

Cheers to four weeks of surviving and loving it as a family of five!

Our first dinner out as a family of FIVE!

Someday soon

Yesterday morning after Mikey and I emerged from our morning "after the big kids leave" nap...I was walking around our house in an attempt to get ready, as we were going into visit my work friends. As I was walking around our house...here is what I saw!

Toys in places they shouldn't be, a bathtub taken over by kids stuff, baby hooded towels, laundry emerging from the dryer (of course not put away), shoes and MORE shoes left in places right where I want to walk, random toys in places they shouldn't be (you know, right next to the napkins, who doesn't  have a toy ninja??) and a playroom full of toys - even though half of them are scattered about.

At first I was frustrated because for real...the cleaning lady was literally here Tuesday morning! How does it become such a mess so fast?

And then I smiled and laughed a bit to myself.  Because I'm not sure if it's having another baby that's making me quickly realize these things- but all these things that make my house "dirty"...they won't be here for long.  In just 15 short years, Charlie will be headed off to college.  While that is a while...the last 4 years with him I'm not sure where those went.  But sooner than that, we will be in the life stage where they aren't interested in toys, they will be showering alone, Maddie won't feel the need to try on every pair of her shoes (and everyone else's) because she'll be off somewhere with her friends.  And that baby laundry? Nope, that will be long gone.

So today, I choose to embrace this stage of life. And laugh when at times I feel like crying and get in all those hugs and snuggles and kisses and playtime while I still can.

Because we all know babies don't keep, toddlers grow up, and dang it- even though times seem physically exhausting right now...we will be wishing for these simple days back again!

Three things about having three kids

So yes - I do not actually have THREE kids yet, but I will tell you, there have already been some sleepless nights thinking about the crazy we are about ready to embark upon.  SO excited, don't get me wrong because I really don't think there is anything I love more than meeting one of my children after carrying them for 9-10 months and getting to snuggle them like 24/7.  

But seriously, people have STRONG opinions when you tell them you're having three kids.  Good and bad.  So like most everything that involves being a parent and what I've learned in my 3.5 years as of of them...pretty much smile and nod and if it's not a happy, encouraging comment, just let it go in and out your ears.  Because like T-Swift says, I'm on board with the motto haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.  No use in getting stressed.  (and trust me, we have had plenty of good and bad comments!)

However, I will say, there are lots of helpful people that are super helpful when you find out your life is going to change forever when you see those 2 lines on a stick.  Many of them with three children of their own, giving your words of caution or things to think about with three kids.  The main one I had heard over and over again: the world is not made for families of 5.  And when you think about it, man are they right!!!  From hotel rooms, to tables as restaurants, to even things like how do you even decide who rides by themselves on a roller coaster when your kiddos are a bit older but not enough to ride alone or with each other.  So so true.  I truly do appreciate all the comments and discussions that Jimmy and I have both had with people - they really are all helpful!

Here are 3 things that I feel like I should share that I never really gave a TON of thought too before starting the process for the third kid being a reality:

1.  Will you need another {bigger} vehicle??!   

I drive a minivan, so nope, my van is amazing and I cannot sing enough praises about it.  However, Jimmy drives a mid-size SUV.  We just figured that three car seats could easily fit in his car.  HA.  After hours of researching it, measuring his car, searching the internet for all kinds of skinny car seats and their dimensions to see if it was even an option for his car, he finally found 3 that he thought would fit. So $700 later, he gets them and unpacks them and installs them all in his backseat.

They BARELY fit.  Here is the picture he took of Maddie crawling all around back there when he was installing.

While we thought they looked "fine" we made sure by getting it inspected at the local sheriff's office.  We don't want to take any chances on their safety.  Their initial inspection they thought it would work fine, but they weren't for sure so said they had to make a call to their experts.  So another few days of waiting for the final verdict.  The final {potentially VERY expensive} verdict took about 2 more days, but ultimately, we got to stick with the new car seats and luckily, not a new car.

The funny thing was to me was how mad Jimmy was because he didn't "think about this when he bought the SUV".  Oh wait, let me remind you that he bought this car on Christmas Eve of 2008.  I remember because I was there with him.  My first sit through of a car buying experience.  It's so surprising that prior to when we weren't even ENGAGED that we weren't thinking 7 years into the future when we might potentially need three car seats to fit across the back seat.

Oh my.

But seriously, the last thing we needed was to have to buy a new car.  We totally would have, but Jimmy's taste is mucho expensive, so I'm very glad we didn't have to go down that route.  Now, if kid number 4 comes our way ever in the future...that's another story.

2. The incremental cost of this kiddo!

I work in finance for my job.  So I'm all about incremental costs.  Let's be real though - I mean, in our situation it's our third kid - we have a boy and a girl and they are all going to have the same birthday month 2 years apart.  From an incremental wardrobe perspective, the additional cost is pretty much zero.  However, we both work full time...so that thing called childcare that is SO expensive but even more ridiculous for an infant?  Yeah.  At least for the first year of this sweet baby's life, you will pay an arm and a leg for their care.  With the first, we were shocked and felt a big financial impact - but to be honest, most of those costs were offset by everything anything that we used to do sans baby for entertainment (aka bar and restaurant costs, going to the movies, frequent happy hours and concerts).  With our second, we had just moved in to a new house (i.e. hello bigger mortgage) and while the new daycare Charlie was at wasn't that much more money than his old one the infant care cost literally almost gave me a heart attack.  I spent HOURS setting our budget to prep for when Maddie started daycare and what our new monthly budget looked like.  With the third, we have made adjustments to our other kiddos care to make it a little more reasonable for us and plan on sending this one to an in home for a more intimate experience for a lower cost - because I'm not kidding, 3 kids in daycare is not cheap folks.  And while many people aren't in the 3 kids in day care situation (due to one parent not working or larger spacing between kids ages), any additional family member added will cost you more money.  Whether it's in baby supplies, food, insurance/doctors, clothing, etc., so just make sure you take that into account because once that baby is here (trust me, I ran the daycare numbers first and foremost to make sure we weren't crazy and going to have to move to afford him/her), it's true you'll never remember what your life was like without them, but also just be responsible and make sure you can afford the sweet baby!!  It will make life SO much easier!

3, You're officially outnumbered - 

how do you split yourselves up!?

This was actually one that I had the realization about myself and then literally had a great conversation with an amazing coworker about it.  For some reason, which I'm sure will probably change quickly upon babe #3's arrival, I'm not terrified about being outnumbered at home.  Because we both work, when we are at home with the kids there are usually two of us there and since our only experience of having an infant with more kids is having a 2 year old as well, the fact that we will have a 4 year old (and a 2 year old...haha), who will hopefully be more helpful when asking him to do things and is great at entertaining himself, it isn't that terrifying (come talk to me in 6 months though...).

What really scares me?  When they are older and everyone is doing something and needs to be somewhere at this time for this practice, game, event.  My awesome coworker has three kids and she said they thought about having for but that was really what held them back because she wanted to make sure she was able to be there for them during those things and didn't feel like she was constantly shipping one off with neighbors/friends via car pool because the fact of the matter is - there are only two adults and you cannot be everyone at once.

I feel like I already got a glimpse of this with gymnastics this winter.  When I signed Maddie and Charlie up I had in my mind this perfect little Saturday morning family outing in which everyone goes together.  Charlie will sit with us and entertain himself while Maddie and one parent does gymnastics from 9-9:40 and then Charlie was up from 10-10:50 and Maddie would hang with us which we watched her brother do his thing.  HA.  After week one Jimmy and I quickly realized this was NOT going to work and we needed to just split up and each take a kid.  While that was easier, it made me so sad.  Because yes, I'm crazy mom and like to see my kids doing all these things that they are doing and learning and progressing.  So if I took Maddie and didn't get to see Charlie I would grill Jimmy on "what did he do?  Did he listen better?  Follow directions?  Start to forward roll?" and Jimmy's response?  "Yes".  Yeah, not the mom detailed response I was looking for.  And vice versa when I went with Charlie and Jimmy went with Maddie.  It's crazy that I was already feeling like I was missing out on something with them - even though it really wasn't a big deal.  So yes, when I was talking about this with a coworker, it really hit me that this would likely be a real issue.  And even if we do want four kids (whoa crazy town), it will be even more nuts.

Just some food for thought and some things that we did {and some we didn't} think about when deciding if adding a third kid to our family was the right decision for us.  In the end, we obviously couldn't be more thrilled we are blessed to have another sweet kiddo to call ours - and honestly 'I'm ready to take on this whole mom to three role, but who knew as an adult there were so many things to think about!  Seems like it would be a lot more fun to just go back to being a kid!

But in all honestly - no matter what - I'm sure this is how it will go.  It has so far. :)

source