Can I be honest?

Here it goes.  One of those really vulnerable posts.  I feel like I have a lot of them in my head throughout the week, but just not the time or energy to write them down and share.  But this is one I want to remember.  And I'm guessing whoever still reads this blog (sorry I have sucked at posting lately!!!), might relate as well. 

As mentioned in my post yesterday, we moved the older kiddos preschool last Monday.  I'm not sure if it was the move and the fact that they did well at school and needed an outlet at home - because they have kind of gone crazy (it could have been the crazy moon too....) - like crazy as in they don't want to sleep at night.  I can do one wake up a night and hang with my normal schedule of work, working out, etc. (usually Mikey, but sometimes just one of them).  But three + a night?  UM...no.  Can't hang.  At all.  It's been like a circus at night between the three kids rooms - and 4 nights this week, I've fallen asleep in Maddie or Charlie's room and some hours later, Jimmy ends up in one of their rooms with Mikey in hand tapping me on the shoulder because Mikey wants to eat.  

Yes, yes.  I love being the mom of three.  Jimmy loves being the dad of three.  There really is nothing better.  But some weeks.  UGH.  It's hard.  

This morning, everyone was up super early.  I haven't been feeling too great and Jimmy and I ended up going to bed at 8:30 last night.  It was another whirlwind night with Maddie and Mikey and then when I was feeding Mikey at 5:20, hopeful to get him back to sleep so I could snooze some more...and Charlie walked in Mikey's room, ready to take on the day.  And while I love him and love that he came in and gave me and Mikey both a kiss....I wanted to scream GO BACK TO SLEEP.  Ha.

At 6:00, Maddie was up and I finally gave in and took them downstairs and finished addressing our Valentine's Day cards.  Jimmy decided that we should all go to breakfast.  Which is just crazy in itself, but I obliged.  And we went.  When we got there - it was terrible.  Like Maddie non-stop screaming.  Charlie whining.  Mikey was perfect - because that's him.  But the other two.  We just looked at each other - both with this beat down look.  Like THIS IS OUR LIFE.  In the midst of the screaming, a couple was even seated right next to us and then got up and asked for another table.  We were that family this morning.

Maddie wasn't having it and Jimmy took her outside so it was just me and the boys for about 15 min.  This older couple came and got a big table in the middle - 8 chairs at it.  They told the waitress they needed a sling and a high chair.  They were just talking and looking at the menu - sat there just by themselves for about 10 minutes before I noticed them.  They weren't phased by our craziness and looked over a few times at us and smiled, but mainly just chatted and looked around the restaurant looking for someone a few times.  Then I watched the lady get up and go to the door where a couple with their baby were walking in (I assume it was her son and daughter in law and their granddaughter).  She immediately grabbed her granddaughter and held her, smiling and laughing.  Slowly but surely, another (assumed) daughter came in with her older son and then another couple (guessing her daughter) with their looked like 2.5 year old son came in and sat down.  Just like that, the chairs were filled.  Their family was laughing, talking to one another, smiling.  Cousins were talking and all was well.

I have no idea who these people are.  But I was watching them and tears welled up in my eyes.  Because I can imagine that one day, many years ago, they were us.  With their three kids.  They were tired, worn down, trying to make it all work.  Trying to keep up a good marriage and love one another; trying to keep up with work and their household.  Making sure they were loving each of their kids equally and making them know day in and day out they were loved - but also instill that level of discipline they need to know right from wrong.  Their house wasn't always clean nor was their laundry always done.  But I imagine that they were happy, even in survival mode.  And that while it was crazy, there was a part of them that just loved all the crazy.  And they blinked - and here they are, with kids that are all grown up, married off and with kids of their own.  And that sat there waiting in anticipation for a crazy and chaotic Saturday morning breakfast.  Because while they do love their quiet Saturday mornings with just the two of them, what they wouldn't give some days to be back in our shoes.  Hopping in bed with any given kid when they want you to snuggle them.  Snuggling up on the couch for movie night - even though it's the same movie they've seen over and over again.  Folding a million little bitty clothes each week and making dinners for hungry mouths - even though it's usually never eaten.  Kissing their adorable little toddler bellies and laughing at their crazy antics.  And hearing them say "I love you" for no reason at all.

I looked at them, thinking about that being us in 20 or 25 years.  Setting up a Saturday morning breakfast date with our family.  You know, sending a text to Maddie, Charlie and Mikey (or their wives - I can't even think about that right now!), mid-week saying "hey - do you guys want to get together for a breakfast date?!  On us!".  And after a quiet week at home with just Jimmy and me, being so excited to have a little bit of crazy back in our lives.  With our three kids and their family's. 

While there are days that I think we are nuts.  That life is crazy.  And it's going to get even crazier as our three get older and if we choose/are blessed with another one....but these are the days.  Each day is a blessing.  And while I know we will be so thankful we are out of these days someday, I'm afraid to blink because I feel like if I do - I'll be that adorable couple at the breakfast place on Saturday morning, so anxious to see their kids and grandkids and life will have passed us by so quickly.

So here is my honest opinion about my life right now.  I'm soaking it in.  All of it.  With little sleep and a whole lotta crazy.  Because these are truly the days, whether we like it or not and each day is such a blessing to be alive with my beautiful children and amazing husband.

Ok - done.  Between this morning and all the feels and watching This is Us on DVR from Tuesday night....Saturday emotions have got me all like 😍😍😍

But you better believe we are taking our kids for a grandparents sleepover RIGHT when they wake up from their nap.  Because while I love them to pieces - when an offer like that comes up to just have the baby after this week - SIGN ME UP! Ha.