Monday, July 28, 2014

The birds and the bees

Oh my.

This whole having a boy AND a girl thing is making for some interesting situations for our family already...but mainly the conversations between Jimmy and I.

Sunday night we were finishing off a great day.  It started out with early breakfast with my dad to celebrate his 61st birthday and we said goodbye to my aunt, uncle, cousin and grandma that all were in town for Charlie's birthday party (more on that later), then spent the day at my parents house with my mom while everyone else helped my sister and her boyfriend move.  Then our little family headed out to Jimmy's oldest brother's house for a BBQ.

So much fun.  

Cousins and aunts and uncles swooning over our sweet little Maddie, cousins RUNNING around everywhere playing having a great time, and adult beverages and best of all, adult conversation for me (one thing I miss a lot about being on maternity leave).  

It was almost time to leave and Charlie walked out of their house grabbing his crotch and crying.  I thought it was weird so I picked him up and went to change his diaper.  I laid Maddie down on the floor next to him and when I opened up his diaper he started SCREAMING bloody murder.  Like a scream of pain that I have literally never heard in his almost 2 years. His diaper was full of number 1 and number 2.  Couldn't have felt good running around outside in that all that time.  

But then I looked and literally his ball sack was bright red.  I panicked and brought over the best experts I know, my two sister-in-laws to check it out.  (at this point, Charlie is literally screaming SO loud, I'm frustrated because everyone in the house is surrounding him except Jimmy - no idea where he is - and Maddie is just laying there chilling).  Is it a bug bite?  Diaper rash?  No clue - but he will NOT let you touch it.  I took his diaper off and held him and then let him run around a bit.  Still no relief.  My SIL started a bath for him to see if that would help.  Nope, nothing - he wouldn't even sit down in the tub!  Luckily, Jimmy came up and got him calmed down.  Thank goodness for dad's.  

Oh and if you're wondering where our infant was during this time...her cousins had it taken of.  My other SIL snapped this adorable picture of the all watching over her.  Thank goodness!!

When all was finally calm, Jimmy informed me that he thinks it is just a bad case of chafing and it happens to every guy and a girl just wouldn't understand.  He's right - I don't get that part of a male's anatomy at all - as a child or an adult.  So after we stuck shorts (no diaper) on our big kid and stuck him in the car seat - crossing our fingers he didn't decide to pee or poop on the way home (don't worry - he peed on the floor when we got home before we could get up to the bathtub) - and got our babe in her car seat, a very interesting conversation happened.

Jimmy informed me all about chafing.  And how it happens and why and tried to explain how much it hurts - because you know, I just don't understand.  And he's right - I don't. 

Then we started talking about girl's anatomy.  You know, the multiple holes (this part of the conversation was quite similar to the one in season 2 of Orange is the New Black...) and tampons vs. pads and why pads are not OK to wear to the pool - you know, all the stuff that you know as a girl that you just assume all guys know.  Well apparently, when your husband grows up with only brothers - he really has no clue about this stuff.  And vice versa when your wife grows up with only a sister.  Funny how that works. 

The whole conversation made me laugh.  The stuff you talk about as parents.  Explaining the ins and outs of your own anatomy to your significant other really so they can have some sort of compassion for your kid.  And after learning about male chaffing, I did feel bad for Charlie.  However, I think it just made Jimmy dread the teenage years with Maddie when she starts her period.  Oh joy.

Once we got home and Charlie was forced to take a bath, Jimmy did a great job of calming him down by talking to him after his bath.  Saying, he's sorry that his pee pee hurts (Charlie then says - "Peno hurt") and that he's sorry that he made Charlie wear tight pants because that likely contributed to it (Charlie then says - "no more tight pants").  This conversation went on for like 5 minutes and I was cracking up listening to it.  These boys.

While we haven't had to have the official "birds and bees" convo with our kids - and likely won't for a long time - I felt like we had our own version of it.  And it made me smile and laugh and just realize - yep, we are really parents.  And while I thought I had a good idea of raising a boy, I have NO idea what I'm in for. 

Oh and thank goodness for baby powder to make it all feel better.

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