All the feelings

So I took this picture and sent it to my family tonight and said "This is what I call "when you look as good as you feel"" - absolutely indicating the following:

A) It has already been a LONG week and somehow it's only Tuesday

B) I'm wondering how in the world this pregnancy has gone SO fast, but yet these last few weeks go SO slow.  Every dang time.

C) I just sat out at 4 year old t-ball in the mild 90 degree heat while attempting to make sure my almost 2 year old doesn't run into the street (she tried to), I don't lose my phone (thank goodness for Find your iPhone alerts) and my varicose veins don't explode from having to walk her around in the stroller to keep her in one place

Let's just say I took this picture and thought to myself immediately - "How in the world did Jimmy and I think it was a good idea to do again and to do it so soon?".  Because I look and feel like a crazy person these days.  No joke.

Work is crazytown (luckily I was able to get a few late nights in when we were staying at my parents house).  Our house still have our stuff everywhere from getting our cabinets and first floor repainted (which by the way...I'm in LOVE with!!).  And the nursery that everyone keeps asking me about?  Ha - this is what it currently looks like:

Baby shower gifts from my awesome work in the crib, painted and sealed (FINALLY) dresser with only half the handles - oh because I didn't measure the top ones - turns out they are closer together than the bottom ones, awesome, the ultimate glider that we love with all the bedding still in the packaging....and then there is the ladder.  Because there is still a vent that needs to be put back on.  Ignore the random Ikea tent - maybe that will get moved in the next 6 weeks?!

But guess what?!  I have no time, no energy, no drive to get it ready.  Because here's what I know being the third time around.  And why I called this post "all the feelings".

I know that right after I took this picture sweet baby in my stomach that I went upstairs and your dad was giving your brother and sister a bath like he always does these days.  They were playing so nice and when I popped in...your big sister Maddie screamed "MOMMY" and gave me the best smile ever.  I know that made my heart skip a beat knowing that she will be screaming your name soon.

As I brushed her hair and she brushed her teeth, I was thinking how it feels like I was just pregnant with her and it's not possible that she is almost 2 and going to be a big sister.  Then your brother, Charlie, he got out of the bath tub and I handed Maddie off to your dad and jumped into bed with Charlie while he brushed his teeth and then hopped in.

Charlie and I watched a little bit of super man, even though it was "super late" because we had the late t-ball game.  And then after we were done, he asked me if he could kiss my belly.  Because sweet baby, he's that kind of big brother - and you will love him.  And then we talked a bit - he told me about how he learned about museums today at school and how Van Gough cut off his ear (I swear - what the heck are they teaching these kids - hahaha!).  He told me his favorite part of t-ball tonight was hitting the ball and getting the medal for his courage.  Then he stopped and told me he was sorry for stepping on my finger earlier with his cleats (this is after I asked him to apologize and he refused to do so at the tie)...he remembered and felt bad.  We said our prayers and he prayed for you and rubbed my stomach.  And then he grabbed my neck with his little arms and told me that he loved me.  And I looked at him thinking how in the world it's almost been 4 years since he was in my stomach just like you are - and I had no idea all these things I could feel as a mom.  Not a clue until he came along.  And how I can't wait to meet you and feel the excitement and joy of hearing your cries and holding you for the first time.

So here's what I can promise you sweet baby of mine.  While your nursery might not be perfect, your clothes might not always match, your food will not always be organic, I'll likely "wipe" off your pacifier a few too many times...I can promise you that I will love you intensely and more than you will ever know.  I promise you when you want to snuggle, I'll be there to snuggle on or with.  When you ask me to stay in your bed for "one more minute" like your brother does, I'll do it and won't regret one second of it.  I'll laugh with you, tell you funny stories, play cars or dolls with you, eat your fake food that you insist on serving me and push you on the swing even when I don't want to.  I promise you that we will all love you so much.  Your dad said he's terrified if you are a girl because of the sassy pants Maddie is turning into - but if you are a baby girl, don't worry - you'll have him wrapped around your finger just like your big sister does (she'll teach you all the tricks).  Maddie is going to be your "mom" no matter what, I just know it.  While Charlie...well he will watch out for you always.  I even tried to "leave" Maddie at school the other day and walk out when she refused to walk out herself - and what did Charlie do?  He went back in to pull her out because he told me "he's not leaving without her".  So yeah, you're pretty lucky to have siblings like these two and a dad like you have.  We may be a bit goofy, but we can't wait to add you to our crew.

And don't worry - someday you'll be big enough to play t-ball.  But in the mean time, I want you to stay my sweet little baby for as long as you can.  Because time just flies and you'll grow up too fast.  I know that for sure.

So as each day passes and I feel you moving down and moving around - I keep getting more and more feelings about your arrival and cannot wait.  I also cannot believe how small baby clothes seem now :)  So bear with me as I remember how to be the infant mom again - how we learn together how to nurse and change diapers and I learn what each of your cries means.  You'll be here soon enough - and I promise my lack of planning and getting things "ready" for you is not because I'm not excited - it's because I'm spending time loving on your sweet siblings (and a little disciplining here and there, let's be honest) just like I'm going to love all over you.

And don't worry - I know you truly are the greatest blessing and every moment of physical miserableness is worth it - I have two other miracles to prove it!