Only a month left??

This is the going back to work post.  It's not going to be depressing or happy.  Just a post about what I'm thinking and how I feel.

I mentioned in your week 8 post that I was feeling anxious.  And I am still, but I tried to act on that anxious feeling and somewhat make it go away because my back was hurting from being so tense.  Weird how that happens.  I called Miss Holly on Monday to see if we could make a trip into your daycare/school sometime this week to just visit and meet the teachers and talk logistics.  She said, "come on in whenever"!  So nice of her.  So Tuesday at 1PM, Charlie, me and Jimmy made the trip in again to see where Mr. Charlie will be spending his days once this mom is back at work.  Of course we had been a few times before...but that was WAY back in February/March.  We didn't even know if we were having a boy or girl at that point.  So visiting again with you (an almost 2 month old) made it a lot different.  Different questions, different feelings, and also different perspective.  Instead of looking for a spot and hoping we could get you in, I was looking around to see if the babies in your room seemed happy.  Were the teachers happy and nice?  Did it feel safe?

Now of course we felt so great about it way back when.  But things are different when you have your child in your arms and know him.  He's part of us and we want to make sure that he will be getting the best care when we are not there (just like every parent's wish).

Well luckily, that visit pushed most of my anxiousness aside.  It was even better than we remembered it and the teachers were so wonderful and sweet.  All the kids in his room seemed happy and were taken care of.  They told me about 5 times how we are welcome to come visit Charlie at any time during the day and that some mom's come over their lunch break.  Maybe they saw the slight look of anxiousness in my face??  Anyways, it made me feel good.  It made us feel good.  I got to ask all my questions that had been looming in my mind during those late night feedings....like do we bring the infant carrier in the room?  Do we bring crib sheets?  Do I need to bring toys?  How do they want me to bring in my breastmilk that he'll be getting - frozen or thawed!?  What do we fill out every day?  What do we get back at the end of every day?  And the list could go on and on.  I felt like a crazy mom, but they all just smiled and said this was normal.  Whew.

It is so weird to think that I have to get ready, get my baby ready AND get out the door in the morning. I know people do it all the time, but I'm worried about how we'll do.  However, I used to be worried about getting out the door in general by myself when we are at home during the day...but guess what?  We're pros now!!  So I'm guessing that with Jimmy to help out on those work mornings, we'll become pros at that too.

Am I sad to go back to work?  No.  I love my job and especially love the people I work with.  I am actually looking forward to it in some ways.  Am I sad to leave my little man?  Absolutely.  However, I know this is what is best for both him, me AND Jimmy.  Why Jimmy? Because there are not-so-good days with the little man at home when he doesn't nap and I don't shower and we don't get out of the house and I'm TIRED by the time Jimmy gets home and I take that out on him.  So not fair.  It is best for our family and my sanity.  And I was so worried that I would be either dreading going back to work or super excited about it.  And I'm really neither.  I just know that it's coming and Charlie and I have one more amazing month together and then our ACTUAL new normal starts.  It will be quite the challenge I'm sure....but that is precisely why I dropped the grad school class I was planning on taking this semester.  One step at a time is the way I'm taking this.  And so far, each step along the way has been just great.

I did learn that while I love being at home with him, for now I am not stay at home mom material.  I thought that was the case, but you never know until you experience it right?  I could for sure do it a few days a week, but am very happy that I'm lucky enough to have a great job and flexible workplace to go back to right now to help provide for our little family.  Plus, Jimmy says he misses IMing me at work...haha.

So here's to my final month as a SAHM...I am going to take advantage of all the naps I can get!!  Plus, more naps for us means me getting to see this smiling face when he wakes up.  I LOVE when he wakes up from a good night of sleep or a good nap.  He is so freaking cute I cannot stand it!!!!!!!

PS I forgot to mention that I MIGHT consider being a SAHM if we just had a kid.  Throw in the 3 dogs all day and it's a lost cause.  I think the dogs are driving me to want to go back to work more than anything......!!!!