Wednesday, September 21, 2016

How toddlers are like drunk college kids

A few weekends ago we took our three kids to their first college football game.  I noticed as I was constantly yelling at my two year old to get off the sidewalk by the tailgate and out of the way of the folks walking by - MANY of them were drunk college kids hopping tailgates.  As many of them stumbled by and I yelled after my toddler attempting to cross the busy street, it dawned on me how similar going to a college football game with a toddler is just going with your super drunk friend in college.  Good luck!!  Here are some of my observations....

1. They stumble down the road when they are walking.  As the parent or semi-sober friend, you might find yourself yelling "{Insert child/friend name} watch out for that tree branch!!", as they inevitably walk right into it and then start crying.

2. You MUST hold their hand when you attempt to walk across the street.  Toddler/drunk college kid will not think twice about darting into the street to get to the next treat/keg party.

3. Finding your seat is a nightmare. As you walk through the stadium and walk by all the vendors, toddler/drunk college kid will immediately demand *all snacks* because they are hungry and constantly have the munchies.  And walking up the stairs and through the aisles to find your seat?  Good luck.  You need a leash and specific instructions to not touch everyone in the row. (In this instance of touching, most strangers find when toddlers do it to be cute, while it could be called attempted assault for drunk college kid).

4. Good luck staying in your seat.  Remember all those sippy cups of water/solo cups of beer they had? Lots of bathroom breaks. And then, of course, the game is not adequate entertainment as they demand more attention and cannot sit still.

5. Keeping them clothed.  This one is slightly different cause and effect...but toddlers eating cotton candy/popcorn/lemonade/anything = sticky stuff everywhere.  Then they will spill the $10 drink all over themselves and cry about it.  Time for an outfit change or rocking the #noshirt.  Drunk college kids (girls in particular...unfortunately), in my observation there is not much there to start with and I'm guessing one spill later in the night might cause the same result as a toddler spill...just in a fraternity house.

6. The aftermath.  The next day??  Good luck doing anything productive...being up too late, coupled with no nap and add in a carnival stomach due to too much sugary juice/jungle juice will make for a not-so-fun next day in trying to do anything with the toddler/drunk college kid.

Obviously these are just my personal observations and comparisons.  No judgement, as many moons ago I was a drunk college kid (but I did wear slightly more clothes...).  But just be aware of these similarities next time you go to a college football game...and hopefully it's not with your toddler (and preschooler and infant...)!!!


  1. Ha ha! This is awesome!! And so incredibly true. I've said that numerous times before. :)

  2. I saw every day child is like a drunk person. They are all over the place, emotionally stressed and half the time don't make a damn bit of sense.

  3. Not sure how I missed this post before, but hilarious! And yes, so. many. similarities!