Thursday, July 2, 2009

A disturbing incident- but funny.

***Readers beware if you have just eaten...***

Last night I got home from work and my dad was at our house (like usual) working very hard on the new front porch- which I WILL post pictures of (it's awesome). So I walk up to say hi and see how everything is going. This was our conversation (reader's beware if you have just eaten breakfast, are planning on eating soon, or have a weak stomach and an imaginative mind combo):

Roger: "Hey there!! Did you happen to scoop some dog poop up in the backyard and toss it over the fence so it landed perfectly on top of the remaining railroad ties that we have to throw in the dumpster?"

Me: "Um- no why would I do that. I never touch dog poop, and I even have 3 dogs"

Roger: "Well, it's kind of odd. This morning when I got here, I found some poop sitting on the railroad tie. Even more odd- it was in a perfect pile."

Me: "Um, that's is disgusting. I'm so confused. What kind of poop are you talking about??"

Roger: "I'm thinking now since you said it was wasn't dog poop, and it didn't really look like dog poop, and the fact that there was a little wad of used toilet paper sitting next to it, that it was probably a human's poop"

Me: "WWWHHHAAAATTTTT? You have to be kidding me? Someone pooped in our driveway behind our dumpster perfectly on a railroad tie and even brought toilet paper and then left it? That is by far the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my life. But explains all these weird noises that Lauren and I were hearing last night and the fact that I thought the house was getting broken into multiple times and was walking around home alone with Willy by my side and 911 ready to dial in my phone. But someone was pooping outside??!"

Roger: "I guess, seems odd to me too. Ok, back to work- have to finish these steps. I just LOVE this front porch. It was such a genius idea!"

End of our conversation.

And that was it according to my dad. Apparently he did not think it was that big of a deal when he saw it and just got a shovel and scooped both the poop and toilet paper into the dumpster and went along his merry way. Hmmm. Needless to say, I might be stretching this here- but I'm a little more dramatic about things like this. Thoughts instantly start running through my mind as to why or who would EVER do that? I mean it's not like we live by a bar or retail area....we live in a freaking neighborhood and our driveway is pretty far off the street. And 79th st is not a side street so whomever decided to do this was pretty daring because cars are regularly going up and down it.

So I go inside- just flabbergasted- and call Jimmy to let him know of the incident. While it's pretty gross- you have to admit that it's pretty funny. So I start telling him and just continue to bust out laughing really hard so I cannot speak or finish the store. In turn- Jimmy starts laughing too. After a few minutes of that, it's back to business. Who? When? Why? Maybe it was the photographer that we just told we didn't want to shoot our wedding that just sent me a nasty 3 page email today----I told him yesterday and he has our address? Or maybe someone in the neighborhood is mad that we have had a dumpster in our driveway for a week now (it's leaving today- thank goodness) and pooped by it to let us know that they think we are white trash? I mean honestly the possibilities are endless. Any suggestions why someone would do this??

Now the standard operating procedure is to set the alarm at all times, regardless if it's bed time or not because while people may be pooping outside our house, better there then inside on our carpet.

PS- This situation is exactly why I started a blog. Like who the heck has this weird sh*t (haha pun intended) happen to them?? :)


  1. I will catch this turd burglar.

  2. Oh my gosh, I can't stop laughing!!!! Remember when I was obsessed with that show Flipping Out on Bravo? Well they had the same issue at one of the houses they were renovating...and it turned out to be the contruction workers? Any of those in the area? If not, my money is on the photographer with the white ponytail...