My first race: Part 1 (before)

Tomorrow at 7:15AM, I'll be taking off from the starting line of my first official race! Kanatzar and I are running in the Hospital Hill 10K together. I wanted to do the 5K from the beginning, but he wouldn't let me because the first time I ever ran with him, we ran about 3.5 miles and I was just fine. So when I suggested the 5K, I was immediately shot down because he said it was "too easy" for us (well really me, since he has already run a half marathon....this 10K is a piece of cake for him).

Note to self: glad he's Jimmy's friend- everyone needs people like that in your life no matter what that encourage you to push yourself farther and help you recognize that you are stronger than you think you are. Thanks Danny!

With not much convincing from him, I signed up for the 10K. Half because I knew it would be a stretch and I always do like to stretch myself a little and half because I don't like looking like a wimp ;) That was about a little less than a month ago. So I've "trained", but not really. I continued to go on my usual 3-4.5 mile runs with the Toby man after work, and kept saying that I'll run 6 miles soon. But I kept putting it off again and again. It was too hot, I was too tire, I needed new shoes, my blisters hurt from yesterday, my back is sore, I couldn't breathe well yesterday....and the list goes on and on. Fast forward today, Friday, June 4, the day before the race. And to put it lightly, I'm pretty much FREAKING OUT. Why didn't I ever run that 6 miles so I could at least have a sort of proof that I actually could make it---it is possible? Can I even make it that far? What was I thinking?

I have a small window of opportunity to change my mind. They said you could change races (go to a 5K, 1/2 marathon or full marathon) when you pick up your race packets and bib number. So I could totally do that. Not tell anyone. I'm picking up Danny's, so I could just change his too and he'd never know maybe until I said "TURN HERE, we're not running the 10K anymore" mid race. Not sure what he would do....but I would drag him to go on the short road. The easier path. Where I wouldn't be tired at the end. Where I wouldn't be scared because I run 3.5 miles several times a week.

But, really isn't that what life is all about? Those moments where you don't take the easy path- you deliberately take the harder one or the one less traveled and in the end-- you are elated with that decision because you learned so much more. And those moments where you are absolutely exhausted...like you literally are not sure if you can stay awake another minute, walk another step, smile one more smile? What about those times you were in complete fear because you were so scared that you didn't know what the "other side" of the issue was supposed to look like? Looking back on all those moments in my life, I'm thankful for them because those were the moments that I lived through and gave me confidence in myself and my work and my decisions, because I came out alive on the other side of exhaustion and because of those exhausting days, I'm more rested now. And I'm smiling more now, even if I didn't then. And the more of those I live, the less scared I get of what will be on the other side. I could name a few of those moments in my life that come to the top of my head, but I won't. Because those are those personal accomplishments and achievements you only want to share with yourself and God. Those inner wins. That really keep you going in life.

So no, I won't take the easier road and run the 5K. I'll stick through it- get over my fears, build up my confidence, and you know what? No matter what I'm going to cross that finish line tomorrow and even if I'm not smiling at that moment- looking back, that will be one of those moments I smile about forever and Jimmy will be there cheering me on.

Danny claims I'm going to get this adrenaline and drive that will carry me through the last 1.5 or so miles of the race that I've never run. He says I'm going ot get addicted to running and sign up for more races and train. Well, we shall see. My guess, probably not? But I'll always have this one race, right? ;) Say a prayer for me!!