Accepting Defeat

One of the first things I learned in my job that I currently have is when I make a mistake- everyone knows about it.  When I mean everyone, I don't mean the whole company....but pretty much everyone in the field, which is all over the country, all the executives that have something to do with retail, and everyone that I work with.  So in my world = everyone.

Now when you first start a job, mistakes are permissible.  Everyone understands that you are in the process of learning new things, so they excuse when you have to resend out a report 3 times in one day.  Heck, they probably even think it's funny or cute because they've worked there for so long that they can't see how I would miss something as simple as I did---but I'm new, so it's cute.  However, once you have worked there for a period of time, your mistakes become more annoying than "cute".  Especially after a year and a half.

Fast forward to today.  The second week of January (in retail world).  I have been doing the same job now for 1 year and four months.  With the start of a new year, I have worked hard to roll over all the reports from 2009 to 2010.  Now with a change in reports being done manually, there is always room for error.  Last week, I made an error and had to resend one of the five reports I send out the first day of the week.  This week, I made an even bigger error because the formula was one line off (ONE LINE/ONE STORE!  If you knew how big this excel document was...you'd realize that's not much....but it still makes a difference to that one store) which made a majority of the stores off.  Which made the entire network off.  That main reports feeds directly into 3 other reports...which means those 3 reports had to be rerun.  Yes, it was in fact a ripple effect.  That meant 1) I had to go tell my boss 2) I had to send an email out to "everyone" letting them know of the change....which most of them have already had meetings/conference calls/phone calls regarding the old/wrong results (which makes me feel horrible) 3) I feel like everyone thinks I'm a complete moron.

You would think since this is the 10,987 error that I've made in my career thus far and I have been working here long enough for me to know that people know my work ethic and that I just messed up....but still.  It gets me every time.  It's probably the major perfectionist in me or maybe because I just hate so much to feel like I failed....but no matter how many times I make a mistake, every time I have to send out an email to everyone about an error in my weekly reports, I get so upset.  Really disappointed in myself, really mad at myself, and embarrassed.  Not only did I make a mistake, but everyone has to know.  Are there things that make you that upset?  That you sit at your desk and just sigh because you're so frustrated with yourself??  AHH!!  It makes me so mad just thinking about it.

I started telling my co-worker about how frustrating it was....and then she said something that made me realize why I love working with her so much!!  She told me to think about ALL the things that I do right everyday.  All the reports that are correct, all the entries that are done right, all the emails that I send out and all the questions that I answer correctly.  Out of all those things, no one says every day what a great job I do at that...they only notice when I do it wrong, which is only every once and a while...but that I need to concentrate on the things I do good every day.  Not the bad things.

And you know what?   That's just the attitude I do need to take on.  I need to have that attitude not only in work, but in life too.  And with wedding planning.  Because you know what, as much as I try to plan everything on our wedding day down to the little last detail...something will go wrong.  But most likely, no one else will notice except me.  Why?  Because I'm such a crazy person.  But that's ok.  With my new attitude, I'll do just fine and make it through with a smile on my face! :)  And accept that I was defeated...but just for today.  Tomorrow is a different story.